Five months ago I was broken, completely. I had reached the point where it felt like the only way out, the only way to stop the pain was to die.
I was having a hard time dealing will my illness, how much it limited my life and how much it had taken away from me, my landlady had written to tell me that she wanted to sell up, and without any warning, my partner left me!
Every single fibre of my body had reached its limit: physically, mentally, emotionally I could take no more. It was too much. It was too overwhelming. I was drowning and with my last breaths I was shouting and screaming for someone, anyone, to help me.
Five months on I have moved house, have yet to fully come to terms with the breakup of my relationship and I still have a long way to go in dealing with my ME/CFS and how it affects every single aspect of my life. But I am very much alive!
It has been a very hard journey to get to where I am today, there were so many things going on five months ago, so many decisions to be made, so many things to face up to and deal with, all at once. But that’s the thing, we humans can’t really deal with everything all at once, not effectively anyway. The trick is to deal with things one at a time and eventually it all (hopefully) falls into place. The day I broke I was completely overwhelmed with all that I had to deal with; I had no idea where to start or whether I was even capable of making simple decisions, let alone the massive ones. I just wanted someone to scoop me up, hold me tight, tell me everything was going to be ok and fix it all for me. But life doesn’t work like that, we are the masters of our own destiny, we are the only people that can fix our problems, our lives, and our hearts. With the love and support of a few very special people, I slowly started to pick through the pieces of my life, with the motto “It doesn’t all have to be done today”.